Silence is...


I did something the other day that I never imagined I'd ever be able to do again.

Because you know - as a parent somehow we're supposed to get excited about loss. The loss of sleep, free time, privacy, money, sanity; these are all things people say while laughing, right after the obligatory congratulations.

"Get sleep while you can. Man, kids are so expensive. Get ready, cuz they're gonna drive you crazy. Hahaha!!" 

Then again, perhaps a good ole' truth smack isn't such a bad idea, because the reality is, I've lost everything they said I would. I think of sleep like an old friend I used to have the most amazing time with, and can't remember why we ever grew apart. Well, at times at least - I sleep like a rock. Free time is a joke, because even if they aren't with me, the thought of them and their well-being consumes the free time in my mind I'd otherwise use for trivial thinking - because sometimes I just want to think about things that don't matter or better yet nothing at all. Privacy, HA!! I can't remember the last time I've been able to use the bathroom or take a shower or get dressed, with the door actually staying closed.  Money. Yeah, I don't think we need an explanation for this. There's no need to talk about what doesn't exist. Sanity comes and goes. Just when you think you've got a hold on it, nope. It's gone again.

For these reasons I say again -I did something the other day that I never imagined I'd ever be able to do again.

I sat.

I closed my eyes.

I played a song at full volume with headphones. I listened intently, peacefully, and never once opened my eyes from worrying about cries the music and headphones might be drowning out.

It was the most wonderful 3 minutes and 30 seconds I've experienced in a while and I hope to repeat it in the near future. 

To be able to sit without a child on either side of you, is miraculous. To be able to sit without a child on either side of you and play music through headphones, without tiny hands trying to pry them away from you, is like miraculous+. To be able to do the aforementioned and close your eyes without worrying about the welfare of your children, is miraculously heavenly. Now, granted my kids were sleeping at the time and it was at least 1am, but thoughts of your children don't sleep just because the children are sleeping. 

Moral of the story, find your 3 minutes and 30 seconds. You'll be amazed at how long it lasts, when your mind can be at ease about children and life in general. Silence is better than golden - I don't even like gold that much. 

I prefer to think of silence as something that I love.

Silence is San Pellegrino. And it tastes great.